It’s never taken much to get me in the Christmas spirit. It usually starts early in the season (I’ve been known to start listening to Christmas music sometime around Halloween) and it usually lasts days into the New Year until sadness kicks in when I realize I have to take my decorations down to avoid being “that person” on our block who can’t seem to read a calendar.
But this year is different and I’m not sure why. I’m trying really hard to get in the spirit and enjoy all of the things that usually make me happy like shopping for the perfect gift for everyone on my list, or playing Christmas carols through my headphones as I walk to the train, taking a detour down State Street to see the decorations. But instead of getting enjoyment out of those things, it’s all causing me anxiety and a feeling of freaking the fa-la-la out over all that needs to be done.
I usually spend half of the month of December baking about 12 different varieties of cookies and treats to send to family and friends across the states. I LOVE baking Christmas cookies and should be really upset at the fact that my oven is broken. But honestly, it’s sort of a relief knowing that I couldn’t do any baking even if I wanted to, which I don’t.
I still haven’t gotten around to putting the lights up outside yet. As much as I think the house looks incomplete without them, I’d almost rather take everything else down and put it all away. See what I mean? What is wrong with me?!
Maybe it was losing that week after Thanksgiving to vacation that has thrown the whole season out of sorts. Or maybe it’s just the stress of work since I have been back. But every time I start thinking about all I have left to do, then realize how late in the month it is, I just get stressed and feel like saying, “Screw Christmas, screw it all. Call me on New Years Eve and maybe, just maybe, I will be ready to celebrate that.”
But, I am trying. I really am. I am promising myself to get the rest of the online shopping done tonight and start wrapping the gifts I already have. Then maybe I will find some recipes for no-bake goodies so I can have at least a few homemade treats to send to loved ones. And, just by typing that, my blood pressure just went up as I realized everything needs to ship out by Saturday to get there on time. Ugghh.
Bah humbug. Is it Spring yet?